​Airport Personnel Thwart Second Coming

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Staci Bernard

Upon landing at JFK, a certain Jesus was detained in accordance with the President’s latest (as of this writing) executive order. Presumably aiming to suffer like humankind, as he’s known to have done in the past, Jesus traveled in coach and endured questions from customs officials before reportedly tossing up his hands in frustration and saying, “Screw this! Maybe the third time will be the charm.” He then plunked himself down on a chair, shaking his head and muttering something under his breath.