It’s about Time

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Staci Bernard

The polar ice caps are melting. Measles and mumps are on the rise. Innocent bears are accused of threatening school children. What’s a scientist to do?

Pat Kearney and Riley Morgan, physicists at Calford University have an idea: time travel. “Eighties fashion is back,” noted Kearney, “and so is fifties legislation. That got me thinking. . . .”

“Not to mention the Back to the Future marathon,” added Morgan. “I notice something new every time I see those movies!”

Unlike other areas of science, quantum physics seems to have stayed under the Trump administration’s radar, so to speak. “We haven’t worked out all the details,” said Morgan, “but when we do, they’ll be big league!”

The more subdued Kearny added, “Now that humanities and arts budgets are being cut, we won’t get as much flack as usual. ‘This is why you shouldn’t clone dinosaurs.’ ‘This is why you shouldn’t make a human being out of parts of other human beings.’ We couldn’t do anything without some movie or book or philosopher or theologian spoiling our fun. Now though. . . .”

Now, though, only time will tell.