(FNN) – President Trump visited a homeless shelter in Washington D.C. today to encourage people to sign up for his new Trump University course “How To Stop Being A Loser”. The class costs $30K and is one hour long. Federal Student Loans are guaranteed with no credit check (if interested please call +1 800 HUGE-CON). During Trump’s sales pitch he stated, “The White House is a real dump” and told his homeless audience how fortunate they are not to live there.
Trump’s White House bedroom.
The White House is valued at over $400M (4X more than the president’s Trump Tower penthouse) and costs about $4M a year to maintain. It features 132 rooms, including 32 bathrooms, among its six levels and 55K square feet. It has a movie theater, bowling alley, swimming pool, tennis court, basketball court, putting green, a host of valets and butlers and five full-time chefs among its 24-hour cooking staff. It features many historic pieces of art, gorgeous rugs and crystal chandeliers. It has an advanced home security system that includes surface-to-air missiles.
When Trump’s sales pitch was over every homeless man, woman, and child was given a loan and the one hour course was taught immediately. We asked one homeless man about the course. He replied, “Well, I’m still homeless but if Trump doesn’t like the White House I’d be happy to move in with Melania and Ivanka.” When we asked what he thought Trump would think about him moving in with the Trump women he said, “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock.”