Trump Evacuated White House To Avoid Hurricane Harvey, Leaker Says

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(FNN) – Trump, stating the White House is a dump, left for Camp David with his family for the weekend despite the looming U.S. disaster that was about to occur. Our contact at the White House says there was another reason Trump scurried away from the White House with his family so quickly.

“Trump was scared to death! He was watching Fox News and a headline came up telling people to evacuate. He thought the hurricane was going to hit the White House. No matter how many times we told him he was safe, he didn’t have to evacuate, he’d tell us he saw on TV that he had to evacuate, that he watches all the best shows, and his shows never lie. It was exasperating attempting to get him to calm down. He was going nuts!”

We asked how Trump is doing handling the emergency from Camp David.

“Well, he isn’t happy there but the Secret Service is completely broke due to trying to protect him at his Trump properties. We’ve been telling him to stay at already secured locations such as Camp David but he kept telling us that his staying at his properties was worth hundreds of millions of dollars of free marketing for his company. Tax free income he called it. As far as being in touch with FEMA and the state of Texas, as far as we can tell, he isn’t. He’s just tweeting and watching TV.”

Trump stated in a press conference this morning about the devastation from the hurricane, “Camp David is very rustic. It’s nice, you’d like it. You know how long you’d like it? For about 30 minutes.” Our contact said Trump was happy the disaster was over and Trump believes his handling of the disaster was the best of any president ever. He said, “I didn’t have the heart to tell him the disaster was still occurring and will go on for several days. He was just so happy playing on his phone.”