Biden Urges Obama, TURN ON SKYNET! Stave Off Trump Presidency

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By John Connor | Glen Burnie, MD | July 4, 2032

Occording to an anonymous source at the White House, at 2:39 AM this morning Biden woke up Obama and ushered him into a conference room. It’s there that he made his case. Biden urged the president to turn on Skynet in the hopes that the system will do what the Electoral College didn’t dare. Stave off a Trump presidency.

Skynet is the latest military program to be recently completed. The system was developed by Cyberdyne Systems Corp., a company mostly owned by Berkshire Hathaway, Warren Buffett’s organization. 

Costing taxpayers $986B, there has been some debate over the risks of turning the system on. The system consists of not only computer systems but also self run weapons systems that don’t require a human to control them like drones do. 

“Joe believes that, because the human element is removed from the system, Skynet will come to the logical conclusion that Trump, his cabinet, and his Russian contacts pose too great a threat to the country to allow him to become president. Joe believes the system will keep control in Obama’s hands. But there is some debate over if it will hand back control at all.”

Obama is considering Biden’s request and will make a decision by midnight January 19th. 

UPDATE: Should Obama Turn on Skynet? Click here to vote on Twitter!

Trump to change a lot of Obama’s actions on day one, top aide says

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Mar-a-Lago – During the New Year’s party, a very drunk Trump top aide had many things to say about changes Trump will make on day one.

“First of all, day one is going to be huge. The greatest. Big league. We’re going to do things completely different than Obama. We’re finally going to bury the hammer and sickle with Russia. We’re talking about world peace here. We’re going to close Gitmo. Damned if I know why Obama didn’t do it but we’re going to get it done. We’re raising the Federal minimum wage to $15 per hour. Yes we are. And we’re putting an end to police shooting unarmed citizens. There’s no excuse for it. The police aren’t executioners. Everyone deserves a trial.”

When asked why Trump would do these things his drunk top aide said, “For Christ’s sake, he said he was a Democrat years ago. Republican voters are idiots.”

The assistant to the top aide whispered, “He’s drunk. He’s messing with you. Trump is only going to help out the billionaires. Everyone else is screwed.”

Obama Deported, Trump Announces Deporting Obama After Inauguration

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Washington D.C. – In a very strange turn of events, Trump’s team announced they have new evidence showing Obama was born in Kenya and will be deported back as soon as the inauguration is completed. 

When one insider was asked to provide evidence the insider said, “It’s huge. It’s totally credible. But it’s classified. [FBI Director] Comey has it.” Trump made the announcement that the long form birth certificate is a fraud via Twitter.

We contacted the White House for comment but no response has been released at this time.